Smiling through the pain

“The loneliest people are the kindest, and the saddest people smile the brightest all because they don’t want anyone else to suffer the way they do.” -Anonymous-

All day long you’ll see me with a smile on my face. I’ll be the first one to comfort a friend, even a stranger. But sometimes the comforter needs comforting. I don’t know why people don’t seem to realize that. Just because I’m happy now doesn’t mean I will forever be happy. It’s life. Terrible things happen. That’s great that you enjoy being around me when I’m happy and playful, but where are you when I need a shoulder to cry on? Where are you when I need someone to tell me that everything will be alright? Why do I put so much effort into people who don’t return the favor? Is it really too much to ask for a friend who makes time for me? I’m not even that difficult to please. All you need to do is let me be in your presence. If I know you care about me, there’s no need for an elaborate plan every time we hang out.

Truly I wouldn’t even be crying if I had good friends I could see often. It seems the people who will actually pay attention to me and want to do what it takes to make me happy can’t, while the ones who are oh so capable of being the friend I need are too preoccupied with who knows what to realize the pain going on in my soul every other night. I know no one is responsible for my happiness but myself, but what am I to do when the only thing missing from my life is something I can’t control?

Only a Libra will understand my need for a connection with another human being. It’s not something I can just get over or ignore. My being requires partnership. Not just any partner either; I need a partner who is able to hold intellectual conversations and return my love. No I’m not even talking about a boyfriend. I miss having a woman to be crazy and nerdy with, but I guess that’s a hard thing to find….

Regardless of how sad/depressed I get you will probably never see me cry. I’ll be the girl laughing and cracking jokes, making sure everyone I know is enjoying life . Hoping and praying for someone who will do the same for me.


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