Am I introverted?

Going off to college, being away from my friends and family for the first time was a really weird experience for me. I was borderline depressed at some points not knowing how to occupy my time or fill my extroverted needs. The first few months I had a boyfriend, so I wasn’t forced to make any changes. After we stopped talking, I had another friend that I depended on to maintain my happiness. The next year that friend wasn’t so readily available. I was left with myself and no one to make me happy. I’m laying in my bed at night crying because I didn’t have the friends I wanted. I let other people’s decisions affect my happiness. Sad right? I want to call myself an independent woman when I don’t even know how to be happy with myself. How can I even call myself a woman much less an independent one if im not in control of my emotions? Best believe once I realized the path my life was on, I sought to change it. It took time and a lot of conscious effort. I had to first figure out what it is that I enjoyed apart from the people I love being around. A girl who really thought she knew some things about the world couldn’t even tell you what she liked to do. I’m really ashamed of myself thinking back at how much power over my emotions I gave to other people. But now I’m stronger than that. No more do I sit at home wishing I had friends. No, I will call those with which I enjoy spending time with and be satisfied with whatever level of friendship we have without searching for more. I have learned to accept what people give me and fill in the rest myself. Not until I came home for Christmas break did I realize how much I’ve been filling in. No longer do I have time to myself. The only place now that I’m alone is in the shower. A year ago this would have been my ideal lifestyle, but now it’s only frustrating. I almost feel bad when people ask me questions and I give a short reply but then I don’t because I know the reason why. I’ve done more than just adapt to my new environment. I have grown as a woman and now I treasure my alone time. That shouldn’t be something I have to fight for.


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