I don’t want to be in control all the time. Yes, that is very contradictory with my sign, but everything in life needs balance. No matter how much I enjoy being in control, there will always be a time when I want someone else to step up. I want someone else to make the plans for once, someone to take care of me. Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I secretly loathe being in charge. It’s just that I get tired…..
I’m tired now. It’s hard to take care of others when you’re struggling to take care of yourself. When you’re constantly giving of yourself, eventually there will be nothing left to give unless someone gives back to you. I’m dealing with a lot internally, but no one would ever know looking from the outside. I guess I’m a good actress, but it’s only a matter of time.
I feel so lonely. I know there are plenty of people who care about me, but I feel like I’m always saying that without fully believing it. Maybe because I feel like you have to really understand a person before you can truly care about them and I don’t think there are many people who really understand me. My mother, my two best friends, and my ex. Yes my ex. He’s the only one who I know I can call and I’ll feel satisfied after. I’ve had so many good things happen in my life I almost feel bad for complaining about anything, but I can’t help the fact that I am yearning so badly for love. *cue Tink_Treat Me Like Somebody*
I guess I just crave a constant presence in my life of someone who loves me. Whether that’s my family, my friends, or my significant other. I desire the presence, either physical or through technology, of someone who fully understands me. My two best friends are so busy every day and I know they’re doing important things, but I’m important too. I want someone to put me as a priority in their life. I don’t just want to be a cool person to hang out with or someone who gives good advice or someone you know is gonna understand your story. I want to be special. I know I’m an amazing human being with a lot to offer but the way people treat me is like I’m just an average person. It’s like nobody really thinks I’m worth that extra time you didn’t want to give someone else, those few hours of lost sleep, that food you actually really wanted to eat. Yes you love your boyfriend, but who was there before you met that nigga?? Oh yeah that’s right I was. Bitch I’m the reason y’all are even together. I love that you’re happy but damn can you be happy with him while you make time for me????????????/