Last night wasn’t the first time I got high, but it was the first time I learned something about myself when I got high. I don’t know if this weed was laced with something, but I really was acting different than I normally do. But honestly how I was acting was my true self without all the restrictions. Normally I hold so much back to try to be a certain way but last night I just did things without thinking about it.
Every single one of my personality traits was heightened. I learned how much of a people pleaser I am. Every time I’m reading about Libras I come across something that says Libras will say anything to make someone happy so we get a reputation for being liars. Every time I’ve been wondering where that came from, how I have all the traits of a Libra except that one. Come to find out I do have it, it’s just buried underneath the mask I put on in front of people. It shocked me to hear how I reacted to things. I say my traits were heightened and normally I’m easily irritated, so last night I was extremely easily irritated. But guess what? The people pleaser side of myself did not allow me to be rude. Not only was I way more understanding of why people did the things they did, but I did not let my irritation come through in my words or actions at all. I literally analyzed them to see why they were acting that way and said exactly what they wanted to hear completely ignoring how irritated it made me.
Another thing was I was very impatient. Usually when I’m at a red light I don’t like it just because I’m sitting and waiting and not doing anything. But last night omg I think I was about to get angry! Legitimately angry!! I was huffing and puffing and moving around trying to distract myself from the fact that the light still hadn’t changed yet. Any other situation I normally wouldn’t enjoy waiting at, I was getting angry last night.
I was very arrogant last night. Usually I have this attitude like oh yeah I’m amazing, but last night it didn’t stop there. I really felt like I was better than other people. Like my friends were below me based on how they were acting.
And then the music!!! Omg I’ve always known music is a huge part of my life and my mood but I saw that on a completely different level last night. Me and my friends were downtown and saw things nobody ever needs to see. I was driving (I know irresponsible) and the only one not freaking out about everything going on. And then my friends would start freaking out that I wasn’t freaking out… we were listening to the radio and I started dancing and singing to a song I liked. They went off!!! They were asking how I could possibly be dancing to a song when all this stuff is going on. And they’re talking about how I shouldn’t have been driving and just being extra paranoid, I’m already trying to focus really hard on driving and now I’m having to focus on not letting them freak me out while we’re passing cops and hobos and a woman trying to commit suicide. No lie this woman was laying in the middle of the street hoping someone ran her over. Sadly someone did, I found the article this morning just to make sure we weren’t all hallucinating. A white BMW ran her over and I’m pretty sure we saw it happen, we saw a white car but we were too far to tell what kind.
But anyways so in the car I couldn’t control my reactions to the music playing then we got to this club (after trying 3 others) and I was bored. I was honestly bored. After all the stuff that happened I was ready to go home where it’s safe but my best friend wanted to at least do something so we went in the club. The DJ was alright at first but my friends were all being boring and not moving to the beat. I run off the energy around me so them being boring made me bored but I was still dancing!!! I couldn’t control myself. I was involuntarily moving to the music. I was doing dances I don’t even do normally do. At this point I was thinking it was a good idea getting me high cuz I didn’t want to go out but the weed made me not care anymore and enjoy myself, but the people I was with who wanted to go out sooooo bad were standing there.
Eventually they started dancing a little bit and my best friend has a boyfriend. I feel obligated to make sure she doesn’t do anything he wouldn’t approve of when he lets her go out with me so every time a guy tried to get behind her I would go and tell him not to touch her. One of them started talking to his friends about how disrespectful that was and in my mind I wanted to ask him how but high Christina could not be mean…
Another thing was my protectiveness of my friends was way stronger. I feel a certain way when I’m driving because I control all of our lives and being the oldest and most logical and observant I feel an extra sense of responsibility to make sure nothing bad happens to my friends. At the club I had to pee really bad, I had to pee for a while as we were driving around with no destination and when I almost ran that light….. so when we got to the club I immediately went to the bathroom. By the time I got through the crowd and got back to where I left my friends they had moved. I started freaking out thinking about what could have happened to them and pushing people out my way so I could try to find them. Eventually I did and everything was ok lol. Then we went to the gas station before we went home and since it was late they had to stand outside the window to get the man to get their snacks. While they were outside thinking about what they wanted a guy was walking up too just minding his business, but I got so defensive. I don’t know if I said it out loud or kept it in my head but I was thinking “he better not touch them” as I’m looking for the knife I know my brother left in the car. I did not turn my eyes away until I saw the man get what he needed and left. I was that worried that something would happen and it’d be my responsibility to protect them.
All in all it was a really bad experience. I thought I was going to kill all of my friends. We smoked in the car so the high set in as I was already on the road and driving. My body got so heavy, I started shaking, I had to focus so hard on staying in the lane while keeping up with the flow of traffic to not be suspicious. It would have been a really cool experience feeling the vibrations of the car and how my brain focused on the reflections of the lights marking the lanes and all of that if I wasn’t putting people’s lives in danger. I was so scared of doing anything suspicious cuz if a cop pulled us over he could probably smell the weed and we’d all go to jail. Every time we drove around the second club we wanted to go to (3 times total) I got nervous. If I had to hurry and make a quick turn because the street came up faster than we thought I got nervous.
My legs were cramping