What is Life

I’m in this place where I’m confused and sad and hopeful and unmotivated and lonely and idk what’s going on with me right now. My people out here dying by the very ones who are supposed to be protecting us. And ok so we kill ourselves it shouldn’t be a problem right? Well guess what, that makes me sad too. Why is there so much hatred in the world? How can you hate someone so much that you want to end their life? Amd especially your brothers!! Then again right now I’m feeling like they’re the lucky ones. They’re done with this part. I don’t know what destiny we face after death but I imagine at least things make sense. At least you know why you have to go through so many negative experiences. You know what’s good and what’s bad. Whats right and what’s wrong. Whats pure and what’s evil.

I am so confused. I know what I’ve been told my whole life I shouldn’t do, but is that actually the right thing? Some people are told their whole lives that all Muslims are terrorists and that black people are inherently stupid and violent. Kind of hard to believe something so generalized about an entire group of people but what about smaller issues? Like weed? Is it really that bad? Am I sinning if I consume marijuana? (Minus the fact that it’s illegal of course). Is it ok for individuals to be held responsible for representing their company even in their own free time or on their private accounts? Is it really possible to live in a world where no one is discriminated against?

When I think about it too much it just seems like we’re fighting for an unwinnable cause. We’re fighting for equality when we’ll never achieve it. I feel like our efforts are worthless. We’ve abolished slavery, cool. Gotten voting rights, great! But we still don’t have respect in the country that we built. And that’s for all minorities.

But then think about the white people! The ones who generally do care and want to help but are constantly being reminded of the things their ancestors did to innocent people. They don’t want to always be faced with negative light on their people when they could not and can not do anything to change it. But then again we have to wonder do they actually care? Are they actually interested in us having equal rights and respect or are they just accepting the common view that slavery is wrong while supporting the current racist policies? These are the questions that need answers

I just want peace and love throughout the world 😢😢 why is that so hard? Why are we so opposed to understanding a viewpoint different than our own. That goes for everybody, White Black Mexican Asian man woman. If we really just took the time to try to understand how the other person feels life would be a lot better. We could have understanding and peaceful disagreements instead of hatred and bloodshed. If we say black lives matter can you ask us why on earth we’d be making such an outrageous statement when indeed all lives matter. And we’ll be more than happy to tell you all the ways we feel like we’re being shown that our lives are worthless in this country. If we’re saying you should pay us back for the finances your ancestors deprived our ancestors from then please do enlighten us on why that’s unfair because you had no say in the matter. But I must say don’t leave it at that. If you truly do wish you could change the past and undue all the wrongs done to us then you will offer us a solution as to how to fix it in the present. Yes your money is your money, you worked hard for it. But what about our money that we don’t have because our grandparents (not great great to infinity, just 2 generations ago) were forced into the slums of the city and forced to accept the lowest of the low paying jobs and live in the highest costing housing and have our children attend schools that use hand me down textbooks with pages missing so they can’t get into the few universities who even accept anyone other than white men. Are you going to keep your money but tell us how you will fix the education system in low income neighborhoods? Are you going to tell us how you’re going to make sure that we get paid the same amount as a white man for doing the same job? Or are you going to continue to tell us to stop protesting, to go to schools that we can’t afford, to make money that we can’t earn because we don’t have the proper degree?? Oh and then you wonder why we’re a bit mad. Honestly if my people were to burn this country to the ground I would defend them. There have been enough injustices done to us that I can understand how enough anger and frustration have built to the point where you would want to commit such a destructive act. No it’s not the right thing to do… or is it? Are we the stupid ones for remaining nonviolent when we’re obviously being oppressed?? How much do we take before we need to start FIGHTING for our rights.

This makes me so mad that there’s so many white people just living easily in these big houses with these nice cars just because that’s what life they inherited. Meanwhile I have an entire storage unit in my room and no AC in my house for as long as I’ve been there. An old car bought from an auction that I drive,  I pay my own tuition and what I can’t pay I take out loans for and I consider myself one of the more well off ones. I was privileged enough to go to a great school although there was discrimination and racism I received a good education which allowed me to get into a good university which supposedly will allow me to have a good stable career… we’ll see. I just don’t understand why some get life so easy and some have to work so hard. Life isn’t fair but why not? When will somebody tell me why????????

Does somebody have God’s number because I really would like to talk to him. I’m really confused about this world he created. I don’t see why he would want something with so much evil continue to exist.

I’m out somewhere close to my house in this random neighborhood and thinking about what I’m going to say to any random person driving by who decides to question me only to get upset that nobody is going to question me because nobody is worried about what I’m doing. I legitimately want someone to ask me what I’m doing sitting in my car in front of some random persons house at 2:00 in the morning so I can tell them everything that’s been bothering me. I want somebody to talk to and I feel like I have nobody. My ex isn’t answering his phone and I usually can always count on him to be there for me 😦


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