Epiphany

I just realized the cause of so many of my problems! What I want from men, why I want to cuddle with men I don’t have feelings for, why I feel disconnected from my friends, why I feel so often that no one loves me, why I go through my bouts of depression, why I feel bored so often and don’t know why, why I feel unfulfilled in life at random times.

All of these are from lack of physical touch!! In high school I always had my brother trying to be cuddled up with me and when I started college I had my boyfriend and even now when I’m with men I kinda just want them to rub on me without doing anything else. I feel like people are so opposed to touch, especially women so I hold back subconsciously. But when I go too long without it I feel empty and unloved.

I never thought touch was that crucial to me although I was always cuddled up with my parents as a child so I should have known I guess. But now I’m noticing a common thread in all these unwanted events. But what do I do? B***** doesn’t like being touched like that, A**** is too far… maybe E*****. We’ll have to see

I’m wondering if the depression might line up with hormones too. As a woman of child bearing age, my body is ready and wanting a child so when an egg remains unfertilized I wonder does that bring negative hormones to my mind which results in a state of depression.

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