Let me clarify that men do not want to be used. They want someone who is genuinely interested in them and has good intentions BUT they respond more passionately to those who play hard to get aka playing games.
No I’ve never done any official studies, or looked up any facts. Im basing these claims on my personal experiences and my claims are supported by countless other women. In my lifetime I’ve come to realize that men are very persistent even when I’m explicitly telling them I’m not interested. I’ve told guys I thought they were ugly, too short, etc and nothing changes in how they interact with me.
I would always attribute that to them just being weird and/or desperate. Until I met this guy. He’s a bus driver and an Aquarius. Yes we’re very compatible but like a typical Aquarius man he’s scared of commitment and my aggressive ways scared him off in the beginning. Me being me, I refused to leave it at that. I guess you could say I let my ego get to me and could not deal with the thought of being rejected and definitely not by the one man in the world I’m actually interested in at the moment. This is when I started researching and found out that Aquarians are scared of commitment and I’m sure he thought I was trying to push commitment on him even though I was fantasizing about hooking up with him on the bus… anyways 🙂 I combined knowledge of his commitment issues with the knowledge I already had of how the guys I act like I don’t want (because I don’t want them) show more interest to come up with a social experiment/plan to get my man. I say social experiment because me looking at things that happened in the past means nothing unless you can prove it can happen again and again if you change the right thing. That’s basic experimentation for you. I’ve already wondered why guys would keep talking to me but now I wanted to test my theory to see if a man who isn’t currently acting interested would change based on me acting like I don’t want him.
So I texted the bus driver, sent him this sort of deep quote based off a conversation we’d had before on the bus. He texted me back asking if I thought he needed to see that and guess what I said? “Yeah” lol that’s it! He replied and I still said nothing. In my mind I kept thinking what would I say if he was somebody I didn’t hate but didn’t care to talk to at all. I didn’t expect to hear from him again right away just because of our texting history in the past but as more and more days went by I began to worry if my theory was invalid. Then lo and behold a message appears in my inbox 😊 that’s when I knew it was working. When I tell you that’s the second time he ever initiated a conversation outside of the bus omg I been so patient with him. So now that I know it’s working I’m confident in what I’m doing, I wait hours sometimes a full day before I reply with some dry, uninformative, short fragment of a sentence haha boy it took a while but eventually he got to texting me multiple days in a row. This sounds so silly but coming from times where I couldn’t get a reply when I texted first this was huge.
I started replying quicker after a while and showing more interest in the conversation but I still let him control when we talked. I refused to text him first. One day I needed a ride somewhere and he happened to have texted me that night so I called and he actually came to get me! He knew I was using him for a ride but he did it anyway. A few days later he calls me talking about how I’m just gonna use him then not hit him up later haha so now I’m like alright ok maybe I’ll start texting first but not too much. He tells me how he dreamed about me one day and he’s still barely texting me but somehow I could tell hes getting attached just by me letting him be him and be free. I just kinda pocket that knowledge and continue acting like I don’t wanna be with him 24/7.
Thursday of last week comes and I don’t have to wake up as early as I normally do so I’m thinking this is the perfect time to try and get him to come over since he already texted me that day (it’s been getting more and more close to every day). He lives 5 minutes away from me so it shouldn’t be an issue as long as he doesn’t have other plans. I let him know I have a late day the next day because he knows I usually have to wake up really early and he replied but completely ignored my statement. I thought I was slick trying to hint that I wanted to see him but it didn’t work so I was like ok I guess I need to be straight up about this. I ask him what hes doing, he says hes on the way home so I ask does he want to come get me. I wait an hour with no reply, I text him again to let him no that no is also an acceptable answer. He then asks where I am like he’s about to come…. oh but of course he didn’t. I actually get pissed. I start thinking how I’ve been too patient. How being afraid of commitment is one thing but to never hang out with your friends or not even answer a straightforward question is totally out of line. So I decide to ground him lol
This grounding is basically just a backtrack to the days where I would dry text him. It worked once so I was sure it would work again. He texts me on Saturday, I look at it and I’m thinking I’ll reply tomorrow. Then a few hours later he texts me again now I’m like dang things really are different haha he double texting me instead of not replying to me. But now I’m with my mom so I’m like nah I’m still gonna make him wait for a reply because it’s my mother duhh. I’m not texting a man while I’m with her and definitely not one who’s grounded. So eventually I text him back one word. He gets the point sooo quick and asks do I hate him 😂😂😂 so I explain to him how irritating it is to have pointless conversations and unanswered questions. He took that to mean I didn’t want him to text me, I corrected him to say I want you to come get me not text me about nothing. He replies to me on Sunday asking can I do his child’s hair. I say yeah and now we’re trying to figure out a day. I tell him Friday-Sunday I don’t do much, to which he points out that it is indeed Sunday and I confirm that I’m not doing much. So he comes to get me 🙂
Looooong story short: I met a man who acted like he didn’t want me until I acted like I didn’t want him. We were progressing until I realized we weren’t progressing fast enough for me so I grounded him. The grounding started on Friday and it only took until Sunday for him to get over whatever fears he had and asked me to come over. What I’d been wanting for almost a year and a half
When I was over I noticed how insecure he really is, he’s ashamed of so many things in his life, some of which are justified but some are irrelevant to me. He really believes that I’m too good for him. But all in all we had a great time. I cooked for myself and well he ate too so he probably thinks I cooked for him lol we watched some really interesting documentaries, he laid in my lap, I played with his hair and we were cuddling but like we were scared to cuddle which is ok with me right now.
I just know I want wayy more. I want to sleep next to him and talk to him every night and idk if I’m being crazy suppressing my desires for this long but we’ll see.