Stuck outside

I feel stuck. Half of me wants to stay up and do the work that I’ve been putting off for weeks but the other half wants to go to sleep because I have noooooo idea how to do it. I want to be held by a man who loves me and makes me forget my responsibilities and at the same time I want to be in the presence of a man who motivates me to do my work. I’m in this conflicting state of mind and I hate it. I’m literally outside right now staring at nothing and everything unable to move because I feel disgusted and scared at the thought of not finishing. But then I’m disgusted the longer I stay here because I know I have to get up early and I’m alreay sleep deprived. I just need to be on one accord. I’m sitting here wasting time upset that I’m not doing my work but when I try to do it I get scared and this weird feeling of resistance. I’ve never avoided something so hard. Just clicking on the tab with my document gives me this bad vibe. I feel lost and helpless and alone.

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