Last night I had a test. I should have done really well on the test except lately I’ve been feeling distracted/irritated/unmotivated. Probably due to sexual frustration, issues with friends, not having physical contact with anyone. Anyways I studied for a bit but not nearly as much as I needed. I don’t think I failed but I was very disappointed with how it went. I had planned on doing a lot of other assignments after I finished my test but I was so upset I just laid down. I knew it was one thing I really needed to do for my class in the morning. I pulled it out but again I got irritated.
Literally on the verge of tears I decide to take a break (before I started) and texted this guy hoping he would come get me. I’ve only hung out with him once but he seems like someone I would really enjoy spending time with. He texts me back so quick and says he’s gonna come get me so we can chill. I wait for a bit then ask him how long it’s gonna take. No reply so I assume he’s already driving. Time goes by and he never shows up. So now I’m irritated and lonely and I just wanna be held and I thought this guy was gonna come and now he’s MIA….. I’m still laying down, totally aware that I could fall asleep at any second and I still needed to do my assignment but I’m holding onto the hope that he’s gonna come. I pack my bag and everything anticipating staying the night since its already 11pm. Idk how long I waited but somewhere I realized it’s been so long that he’s not coming. I waited a bit longer and then fell asleep.
I wake up calm and peaceful like I slept for a few minutes but it’s freaking 5:30 in the morning. I now accept the fact that he really did not come. At all. And I’m thinking about all the things I was supposed to do before I went to sleep and I’m feeling gross thinking I didn’t have good sleep because I didn’t wake up out of a deep sleep like I normally do. I decide to be productive since I’m already up. I finally get my assignment done about 30 minutes before I need to leave for my class. I take a good 20 minutes to lay down and relax/imagine I’m sleeping before I have to get up. My alarm goes off and I get so upset that I can’t just lay in my bed. I’m irritated that he never came, irritated that I have work to do, irritated at how my life is going right now.
Idk what it was but something made me realize that I literally woke up more peaceful and alert than I ever do with just the right amount of time to finish my assignment and still get time to relax before class. No rushing or anything.
That thought helped me change my perspective for the whole morning. At that point I turned off my alarm and got out of bed anticipating something good happening today. I just knew that if whoever in power made sure I woke up to get my work done that they would make sure I enjoy my day. I realized that someone is in control and everything is going according to plan. With all this crazy stuff going on in my life and all these crazy feelings I’ve been dealing with, I don’t know what that plan is but I’m absolutely positive my life is correctly following it.