Irritated and confused with myself

When you’ve got such a great life. Great family, great friends, great grades, great things happening, going on adventures almost every weekend, got into a research group without even trying and I’m still searching for this friend/boyfriend. 😡 Why can’t I just be happy by myself????? Why must I desire companionship? Why are the people I’m around not satisfying this desire?? I have soo many friends and see them all the time. What is it about my ex or this bus driver that makes me feel content? What is soo different about our conversations? Is it cuz we talk about world issues? My feelings? Family problems? Is it masculine energy? Well no because I was with a man last night and didn’t feel content. He also confirmed to myself that what I felt with K****n was more than lust. I felt lust towards this man and my golly gosh it was nothing like my feelings for K****n. But that just leaves me confused because he obviously doesn’t want me or else we’d be together. So how do I feel so strongly about a man I’m not meant to be with?? Has he served his purpose in my life already?? That quick??

I know what I desire but I’m questioning why I have this desire because I don’t know how to make it become a reality. I have some ideas but I’m not sure if they’ll work. A lot of people talk about how much they don’t like being touched…. so where am I getting my hug from? Who are the people who like being touched and touched often?


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