Trying to stay focused

Idk what to do, idk how to feel. I think I’m still in denial. I’m not actually off the team. There’s no way I’m done. They’re gonna call me soon saying they figured it out. But I know I’m lying to myself. Idk if it’s my period or if it’s these emotions I’m running away from why I can’t focus. I feel like I’m floating through these days. Like I have no purpose. Like I have no schedule.

I feel a void in my life. I feel like I’m seeking attention even more than I normally do. I guess I’m pretending to be ok but I want someone to really talk to and figure out that I’m not ok. I feel distant again. I was doing good, I had my friends, I had my grades, my adventures, everything was going good but now my minds not right. Everyone is pissing me off and I don’t want to be mad. I want to be happy. But idk what to do. I’m looking for something and I know I need to take care of my internal issues but idk what to do.

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