Reoccurring problem

Here we are again where I feel lonely… so many people around me, so many people who love me but yet I feel detached. My head has been in this foggy state for a couple days now. Is it a disease? Is it my hormones? Is it me not eating enough? Is it my lack of physical affection?

I’ve had this desire for a deep connection with someone for a long time now. Idk why I haven’t found it yet. I’ve been wanting the same thing for years. I want to open up to someone who understands me. Right now I feel like it’s 3 people that I’ve known in my life who I connect with that had the potential to be the kind of friendship I want. My ex, the bus driver, and this girl who likes to block my number. Idk if it’s her boyfriend who’s doing it but either way its getting done and she’s letting it happen.

Why does it have to be like this? Why are there so many people who legit cannot understand the words coming out of my mouth?? Why are there so many people attached to me making me feel bad that I’m not as attached to them. I want to have a deep ass conversation with these people bro, but we can’t even have simple conversations about school without there being a misunderstanding. Like I always notice when people miss the intended message. I notice it with other people and I notice it with myself. I know the second when somebody doesn’t understand what I’m saying and they think they do, they’re so confident that they do but I know they don’t.

All I want is one friend. But in the meantime I guess I’ll continue enjoying life by myself.

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