Can’t function

I hate letting people down. I hate not fulfilling my responsibilities but I just don’t want to do anything. Every time I think about doing my homework or cleaning my room or going to my meeting I want to throw a fit. But actually going to the meeting isn’t as bad, it’s the fact that he gave us homework to do before the meeting 🙄  He want us to draw some type of molecule or something and come to him with questions about the program. I don’t wanna be a bad student and have to sit in front of everybody and tell him I didn’t do it but I also don’t want to tell him I can’t come to the meeting.

I literally have an appointment with my counselor today and I’m thinking maybe I should ask can I come in earlier but I don’t want to do that either.

People ask am I ok and I say no but I think they think I’m playing. Like I really hate being a burden on people especially with negative emotions. For me to actually come to someone and tell them I need help takes a lot!! But nobody react how I need 😞 they be like aw what’s wrong? Or even worse tell me it’s gonna be ok. Eventually it’ll all fall into place or whatever the fuck.

Like can someone please just come and hold me. Tell me they understand my struggle not that I need to get over it and just be happy. Mother fuckers actually gonna sit and tell me I’m always complaining about something, bitch you think I like crying?? You think I like being upset and depressed and fucking depending on people to pay me attention?? I just don’t know what to do. Idk what mindset I need to change, idk what I need to change in my life so I don’t keep coming back here.

I legit want to go to a deserted island with a hot tub and pineapples and absolutely nobody. Maybe one person if they’re gonna just be quiet and let me enjoy my pineapples. Let me talk about my frustrations.

Legit everything is pissing me off. Flies landing on me, my phone autocorrect the wrong words, my computer loading slow.

I’m just gonna go paint my nails.


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