Well I went to this art event. I was trying to be around people I would want to be my potential friends. For the majority of the event I was standing by myself feeling awkward regretting my decision to come.
Then I decided to take a deep breath and tune into my senses to find someone I’d vibe with. I keep saying that’s my skill so I’m like alright do what you do and find someone. I’m lowkey doubting myself like what if it only works with guys? What do I want in a friend? What am I even looking for? Then I had to remind myself. Just trust your instincts, you know who you get along with. I see a girl, I really been looking at her before thinking she was cool now I’m like this is the one. I go talk to her and she end up being really cool!! Her and her friend. Then the guy who made what I thought were the best pieces there came and was talking to me about his work and if I have art. We swap numbers and I think about asking him to take me home but I decide to just catch the bus back.
I go to the bus stop and I’m seeing people from the event, I’m feeling embarrassed so I walk down the street to the next stop. I’m sitting waiting for about 15 minutes. It’s some homeless man keep walking by me. I hear gun shots in the distance. I’m thinking I should be scared right now but I don’t exactly feel scared. I just wanna go home before someone sees me.
Finally the bus comes after some delays. Then the bitch wanna speed past me like I’m not there. I stood up and even still that ho just kept going. I’m double checking my maps the sign everything to make sure I’m where I’m supposed to be. I am.
So now I’m looking at the times and the next bus don’t come for another 20 minutes. I call metro hoping to speak to someone who could tell that bus driver to come back, their customer service is closed. I’m thinking what are my options… either sit out here another 20 minutes with homeless people staring at me and people shooting or call an uber. I look up the uber and its only $10 so I call it.
I’m sitting down, looking at the map. I see his car approaching so I stand up and move towards him but he just keep driving too. Now I’m like what the heck!!!! Am I invisible or something?? He eventually do turn around but he stop across the street like he still didn’t see me. I’m getting ready to call him and tell him to come to me when he call me. Just as soon as his call pops up my phone dies. 😞
So I cross the little street and I’m irritated like why everybody passing me up bro?? I gotta walk all the way across the street to get in the car. I open his front door and sit down kind of sharply. Idk how to explain it but basically you could tell I was upset. Normally I’m very controlled with my emotions, but for some reason I was really irritated. He asked me did I have an attitude and I started explaining to him about the bus situation then decided it’s better if I don’t so I’m trying to just chill and I say nvm just take me where I need to go. Now I understand how that can come across as rude, but at the same time I feel like he should also recognize that I’m trying to just let it go and not get into a whole argument. But he feels like he legit did nothing wrong so any attitude is from someone else that I’m directing at him. But I feel like he a dumbass for not seeing me walk towards his car while he was approaching me and continue to stare at him as he stopped and turned around. So my attitude was directed at him because he did something to offend me. But he upset cuz he think I’m taking out frustrations on someone else at him so he tell me to get out the car.
In my head I’m like broo like he really can do that, but I do not want to sit outside just waiting. I can’t call another uber cuz my phone dead like I’m literally just gonna be sitting outside on that freaking bench for 20 more minutes. I start asking him to please just take me and he like I already canceled it so you gotta get out. But then I start crying. I really have no idea, even now, why I started crying. I didn’t feel that unsafe being outside I wasn’t that upset the bus left me. So I’m wondering was it just something about him that I felt like I could let out all my frustrations about not having friends? That’s the only thing I can think of that would give me that strong emotions.
Now he feel bad cuz I’m cute and he don’t want to leave me sitting on the side of the street in third ward when I’m crying. So now he like well I’ll take you but you gotta call it again. He let me plug my phone up and request him again. So now he driving me back home and I’m really upset. Like crying, shaking, barely can breathe. He just looking like what happened girl and I’m like idk. He asking do he need to call the cops, did someone harm me? Nope. Was I that upset the bus left me? Nope. Is it drama going on in my life? Nope.
Legit the only thing I was thinking about was how I feel so alone. So he asking me questions talking about he’ll be my friend. He ask me do I smoke, I say sometimes. So he offer me some to calm my nerves lol.
So I’m smoking with my uber driver, he trying to talk to me and calm me down and the more calm I get the more I don’t like him. I feel bad for even saying this because of how much he did to make sure I was in a good mood, but he annoying!! I’m talking and he not hearing what I have to say. As many times as I told him I don’t have friends then I’m telling him about all the people I actually connect with and why I never see them. And he coming to this conclusion like oh then that’s not your friend. I’m like yeahhh that’s what I told you in the beginning duhh. He asked me why I don’t have a bf I’m like I don’t like nobody. He was asking me about my ex and I’m like well I saw him a couple weeks ago but he just wanna fuck now. And he like why don’t you and I’m saying because we don’t talk consistently he like alright alright that’s smart. He asking have I dated anyone else, no. Then he go on and be like so you need to leave him in the past and blah blah blah. And I’m trying to explain to him I’m not held up by him I just haven’t met anybody else that I like. I’m saying the reason I call him is because he understands me the most out of anyone on this earth. He gives me the best advice and he’s a friend I can go to when I’m upset that I don’t have any other friends. And he take that to mean because he took my virginity I’m hung up on him and whatever 🙄 I keep trying to say no it’s not no emotional attachment, it’s a mental connection I had with him before we ever had sex. It’s literally the conversation we have that stimulates my mind, puts life into perspective. But he really think since he older he know more about my life then me.
He then went on to say the fact that I’m looking for good conversation like that in a man means I’m comparing other men to him. Nooo nigga I just want to be able to have a good conversation with my man!!! Like he really was starting to irritate me. And then he wanted to kiss me 😐😐
Like it was on the cheek but still. I told him I wanted to be a baby and he like you wanna be my baby?? And then his ass kissed me…. nigga I’m looking for friends not a relationship. And definitely not no relationship with your ugly fat ass who can’t even listen to me. As many times as I said I was looking for friends he still felt the need to tell me that I’m young and I don’t need to worry about getting married now. Nigga ain’t nobody thinking about marriage!!! I’m trying to find a sugar daddy. I can’t get in a relationship yet.
Like this honestly why I don’t like crying or showing emotions. Because most human beings have souls and will feel sorry for you and want to fix it. But also most human beings are incapable of fixing my problems so they really feeling bad for no reason. This man was so sweet and was really offering to give me everything I’ve been looking for. He gave me a massage, he gave me weed, he gave me a hug, he promised I could call him whenever, he promised I could just ride with him if I needed to get out. Like legit everything I’ve been looking for except for the fact that his bitch ass don’t know how to listen to what I’m saying and want to think he already know what’s going on in my life.
I tell him I got profiles on dating websites and he automatically assume I’m on there looking for love. No nigga the sites I actually use I’m trying to get money lol the other ones just there for days of extreme boredom.
All in all I’m really thankful for how nice he was too me, but I feel like the universe was telling me to be more specific in my requests. Like, I said I wanted friends but I didn’t clarify what kind so I got some fat kid who think he know my life 😂 I’ll do better next time