My Destiny

It started out with N****o. I saw what he was going through in foster care, so I wanted to be a social worker. I wanted to do better at placing the kids in good homes. I looked it up and everything. When I tell you I was deep in Google trying to figure out what I needed to do to be a social worker.

I think the next thing was J*y. I saw how he got into trouble when he was bored. I don’t really know if it was him necessarily, but it was around that time where I realized that bored people get into things they’re not supposed to get into. I think it might have been N****o too that made me realize how much trouble kids get into when they’re bored, but when I told J*y he agreed, and said he could have used something like that when he was younger.

Then it was the girl at church. I just did not understand how she could not for the life of her sit still. Everyone else seemed to be doing just fine, so why she gotta be so bad?? Then I see her read when her uncle came to pick her up. He started saying how she would read the pastor’s books with all the advanced words in it, and that’s when I realized… the girl is smart. She’s too smart for these bullshit ass stories in children’s church. She’s too smart to sit in here for three hours with nothing to stimulate her mind. And I got to wondering how many other people are constantly in trouble just because they’re too smart for school. That’s what prompted me to want to give supplemental learning after school. For the kids who were trouble makers just because they were bored, give them advanced work to do to keep them busy during class.

Then I get to college and realize that the life skills I have (budgeting) and others that I wish I had (stocks, taxes) are not taught in school. You have people who have been in school for 12 years and still don’t know how to manage their money. I think it’s ridiculous how many people go through school and don’t know how to be an adult. Everything I know about how to manage my money, wash my clothes, etc was taught by my parents. Now I guess some of the household things like washing clothes and grocery shopping should be taught at home, but what’s the point of going to school if you’re not going to learn anything useful?

I’m in college, so basically everyone I meet asks my major. That’s like the number one go to question for small talk. Every single time I said I was an engineering major or even chemistry now, the response I got was wow. I wish I was that smart, or I could never do that. Now granted, engineering is difficult. I didn’t even make it through that. But the problem was I would see kids who really were smart, but thought they weren’t because their grades are low or because one teacher or even a parent told them they were stupid. These kids had never seen anyone come where they came from and became an engineer or a doctor or an entrepreneur. But the thing is, grades mean literally nothing more than that you are skilled at figuring out what a teacher wants and giving it to them. I met this girl in high school who was legit dumb. Simple things were complex for her, she even admitted to not having any common sense. But the bitch graduated top 10 at a school that my sister who’s arguably smarter than me went to and she didn’t score that high. I’m in college now and passing all my classes with As and Bs, but I’m not no A and B type smart. I’m wayy smarter than that (yes I’m cocky, get over it). It was a guy I knew who was really smart and he was barely passing his classes. My brother even who makes freaking cathedrals from paper and glue and builds cars from scratch barely passed his classes. I can’t say it enough, grades do not reflect intelligence. But in this society grades are what gets you to the things you want to accomplish. So seeing all these people think they’re dumb because a certain teaching style didn’t work for them, or because they found what they’re good at, or because they never learned fundamentals so they keep getting further and further behind made me want to help them get good grades and excel at school.

I’m going through the stress of changing my major and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m researching and I find out there’s three different kinds of doctors… Now how on earth is anybody supposed to make a good decision if you don’t even know all the options available to you??? The more I researched and the more I learned that I did not know, I started wondering why nobody is out here telling people about these options. It’s gotta be plenty more people like me trying to figure out what they want to do, but have no idea what they can do. So I had the idea that I would guide people to different careers based on their skills and passions and be able to present them with more options than most people can give.

Now I’m of voting age, so I’m looking more into politics. I don’t like any of them. Hillary come from a shady family, Bernie too extreme, so I find myself complaining about politicians. They promise things and don’t follow through, they lie and deceive, etc. To make it worse all these police shootings started going viral. I start learning about how messed up the (in)justice system is. You can literally get a life sentence for a speeding ticket if you have previous convictions. You can get a felony for possession of an herb that grows out of the ground. So I’m just over here complaining about the world, then I look at my Instagram page and see one of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou: “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.” I’ve been complaining about how these people are so messed up and just love oppressing us. But I really believe this quote, so now I’m forced with the decision to either change my mindset and be ok with how these people are acting or make a change.

There’s no way in hell I’m about to just sit back and be ok with police killing my men. I’m looking for one of those lol so I’m like I guess I gotta change it. But how?

Then it dawned on me, instead of sitting and begging these racist ass, white ass men to treat my people with respect, why don’t we just eliminate the possibility and have my people be the ones to protect my people? I decided I wanted to go out and convince people to run for political office who wouldn’t be corrupt, convince people to go be police and stop complaining about the disrespectful, ego filled cops they don’t like.

Now I’ve got all these things I want to do, and on top of that I’m a counselor already. I don’t have any type of degree or license, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I do it already. My friends constantly come to me for life and relationship advice. I started noticing how many people have mental issues and scars, but aren’t likely to go to a therapy session, so I wanted to add that in there. I wanted everyone who works at my place to be a licensed psychologist, so in the process of doing the fun activities or tutoring they can be counseled too.

I told my mom and she added the possibility of having a doctor’s office, so people can get basic care. And when B****e was doing Herbalife I thought about having nutritional counseling, so people know how to eat healthy.

Now I got all these ideas, but I have no idea where to start. My major started off in engineering, then moved to chemistry. I changed my major, but still had noo idea what I wanted to do. I just knew chemistry felt right. Engineering was stressful, but chemistry makes sense to me. The easiest jobs people think of are doing research in a lab, or being a teacher. Being a teacher has never appealed to me. That’s having a big group of people all looking at me waiting for me to speak. I like small groups. I messaged my orgo professor and asked him if I could work in his lab to see if I wanted to do that. Well I did and it was way too enclosed. And besides that I really don’t want to have to wear pants everyday. If I wanna wear pants I will but I like dresses and skirts and sandals. I don’t like being enclosed, so that’s a definite no. I knew I didn’t want to be in a cubicle after spending one day with my sister at work, so now I’m like well what else is there to do???

No lab, no teacher, no cubicle… you gotta be a manager to get a good office, but you can’t start off there. I even tried to look up internships, but the only things I was interested in were not in my major ( which would make me feel like I wasted my time and a whole lot of money) or else they were management positions that you couldn’t start off at. I was really getting stressed out like it’s coming towards the end of the year and I need something to do this summer. I’m not having a repeat of last summer, or even spring break where I felt like a zombie and was mad at everybody.

I’m really stressed out and I’m getting upset at myself that I’m stressed out and don’t know what to do. I check my horoscope periodically just to see what it says. It’s one that I feel might possibly have some type of truth to it. Well when I checked, it said something along the lines of “you’ve been stressing out about something that the universe will take care of. There’s no need to worry about something that will work itself out in due time. Relax and live your life. The answers will come” That’s not word for word, but the overall message was the same. So I read this and I’m like is this for real or are these just nice sounding words they decided to put on this website today? I’m not fully believing it, but I have things to do so I distract myself to take care of business even though I’m slightly stressed in the back of my mind.

Now its May 3rd. School is over next week. I still don’t have an internship, don’t have a job, people constantly ask me what am I going to do after I graduate….. I still have noooooooooooo ideea 😦

I’m kind of sick, so I’m laying down trying to take a nap before my meeting. I’m texting this guy who was asking me about what I want to do that I’m scared to take the first step on, and as I’m spelling out to him what I want to do and where I came up with this idea I decide I want to be a teacher.

Randomly out the blue. Literally every single time someone asks me if I want to teach, I say no. Someone had literally asked me 5 minutes ago and I just knew I didn’t want to be a teacher. Didn’t sound like anything I wanted to do with my life, but now all of a sudden, talking to this man, I want to be a teacher.

I start thinking about it in detail now like how would that work out for my life. The girl I was talking to before had just mentioned she wanted to be a school counselor and she’d get summers off which would be really cool. Now I’m thinking oh that’d be dope to get a summer off to travel and have fun. I look up the salary and the median salary where I live is literally $300 less than a chemist annually which ends up being $31 a month I’m giving up. Not a big difference at all. I start doing very very rough estimates about how much I could spend per month on housing, transportation, etc and I was left with $2000 unaccounted for per month after bills. Now I’m really into this idea. I text my sister who’s doing teach for america in Mississippi and she basically says I’m guaranteed a job there after I graduate. So I’m like ooh this is looking real nice. I get to work in a place that’s not a cubicle. I get to be around kids which I like more than adults sometimes. I get to make a difference in their lives. I can be their counselor and mentor. The guys will definitely pay attention in class and learn everything cuz they’re attracted to me, but the girls will also love me just because I’m pretty and everybody likes pretty people. Plus I’m funny and bubbly. I get to dress nice at work without having strict limitations to wear pants and closed toes shoes. I get to have class outside sometimes, but I don’t have to be outside all the time in all elements. I get to solve the problem of having to teach the same material to hundreds of kids per day. I’ve always been good with names, but I’m bad with faces so idk how that will play out. Legit everything I wanted in my job I get plus more.

Being a teacher is the perfect setup for what I want to do. That’s the first step. And for every other step I don’t have to ask anyone to come to their classroom because I have my own. If I want to do an after school program I already have kids to tell to come. All I gotta do is make sure I get results and my work will speak for itself.

Now even as I’m writing this, I’m thinking of ways I could make more money. I have the whole summer to get a second job. And I could do like my high school english teacher and be the detention teacher. You get paid extra and that’s an opportunity for me to cut back on misbehavior by focusing on healing not punishment. I can have the kids in there do mediation or talk about what they did and why they acted out. Maybe the teacher is constantly disrespectful and they need to learn how to talk to students, maybe the student has personal issues they need to work out to be able to act right, maybe the student was just mad and wants some validation for their feelings even though they know they didn’t respond well, maybe the student is stressed out because they have problems at home.

I’m just seeing so many possibilities. I’m just so excited I finally figured it out. My horoscope wasn’t lying. I literally just had to wait. I kept telling people Chemistry just felt right. They would try to make me feel bad for being in school not knowing what I was doing or having a plan, but all I could say was it just felt like what I needed to do and I’ll figure it out later. I felt a peace over my life once I switched to chemistry. That’s when me and N*** became better friends, that’s when I realized who got me in tough times and who gonna judge me when I make a mistake, that’s when I got kicked off the team, that’s when I realized what a good relationship looks like and how effortless it is to start one. I never realized until now, but I think changing my major was a turning point in my life. Literally things started falling into place, so I can focus on what makes me happy.

I swear I keep saying my Mamma got me, but every day it seems I just get another surprise. I really wish she would let me know what I can do for her. I feel like I’m forever indebted. Like the things that happen in my life are too good to be by chance. I’m just so happy I finally know what I want to do. It will be a little weird telling people that I want to be a teacher now when just last week I was so sure that’s not what I wanted to do.

Oh well. They’ll have to deal with it because this is for me. This is the path I need to take with my life. I start with teaching and then move to changing the world.


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