Need a replacement

I feel like I shouldn’t be sad, but I am.

This guy who I’ve lowkey been using and had plans to use him even more cuz he makes a lot of money just hung up the phone in my face. This whole time I’ve been thinking he actually had​ feelings cuz he always asking me if I’m with a nigga and telling me I need to make sure I’m not with no other niggas.

Now all of a sudden his friend get on the phone and start telling me I’m bullshitting and passing up a good man. Like my nigga I have no obligations to be with this man. I like who I like and that’s not your nigga.

I get all caught up in setting this man straight about who I am and how I’m not doing anything wrong and making sure my dude don’t have a problem with how I’m acting that I end up convincing him to leave me alone and the dude hangs up in my face.

Normally I’d get pissed if someone hung up on me like that but with him it was a very unbalanced relationship. He gave me everything I wanted and all I did was give him little tidbits that teased him. I can’t argue with him for leaving, but I can feel sad about it.

I thought he was stupid and ugly and I know I was borderline using him, but I did genuinely enjoy his presence. That’s why I feel like I shouldn’t be sad that he finally came to his senses​ and left 😂. But I can’t help how I feel.

I like having a man there who’s reliable and has money to buy me food whenever I ask and won’t push my boundaries. It’s rare that I find a man who’s​ presence doesn’t disgust me and will actually stop when I tell him to stop. And on top of all that the man nuts fast so I can easily not leave him with blue balls.

I honestly feel like I went through a breakup. That’s not to say I like him when I’m saying I don’t, but just the fact that I see his name in my stories, Snapchat threads, and text message threads and I can’t contact him feels like a breakup to me. My pride doesn’t let me contact people who made it clear they don’t want to talk to me, so when I see his name it’s off limits.

I hope I can find someone else as convenient as he was soon. I’m craving male company but I’m scared to get raped….

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