Do I need to move on?

I’m twisted cuz one side of me’s telling me that I need to move on. On the other side I wanna break down and cry.

It seems like everyone hates their ex. People tell you that you gotta let go of the past, you shouldn’t ever go backwards yadda yadda yadda. But me? I be sitting here thinking about my ex and​ the type of relationship we’d have if he decided to date me again…. And baby. Flawless. Now of course it’s not going to be flawless because he’s human and I’m human. I’ve seen his flaws but his flaws are things that I can deal with. I have tough skin so if you call me a couple bitches and hoes when you’re mad (which he’s done before) I’m not going to be scarred from it. Just come back when you’ve cooled down and apologize and we’ll talk it out.

He not a cheater. I know that for a fact. What kind of man who cheats breaks up with his girl because he doesn’t have time for her? What kind of man who cheats makes decisions for his girls best interest and not his? None that I know of, correct me if I’m wrong.

The man understands me, he loves me, he listens to me, he’s just the best man I’ve come across so far. All these other dudes out here piss me off. It’s either they’re retarded, they don’t know how to treat a woman, they don’t know how to listen to a woman and think we’re all crazy, it’s a disconnect when we talk, or else they want to wait 2 fucking years to ask me on a date. Who tf got time for that? You know what my ex did? He met me and the second day we were talking on the phone he told me I was gonna be his girl. That’s how long it took him to realize that I’m the type of woman he wants. Two mother fucking weeks later we’re dating. That fucking fast.

That’s how you go after what you want. Don’t have me waiting for literal years just to freaking hang out with your ass. It don’t even have to be a formal date. I just want to be in your presence so we can get to know each other a little bit. Are you married? Like I don’t get it.

Every issue either me or anyone else I know had with a man, my ex didn’t do. Woman want the password to their man’s phones, he gave me his before I even knew he had a password. Women don’t know when their man is going​ out or why he not answering the phone, he would call me and let me know where he’s going even if we hadn’t talked that day and I hadn’t asked. Women be with men who just think the things they do are crazy and don’t even try to understand their side, I go through his phone​ and wake him up tripping about something he text this woman months ago that he’s friends with that he told me about who lives in another state and he wasn’t mad at me at all. He didn’t yell at me or anything. You know what he did? He immediately called the girl and let me talk to her. I didn’t even ask him to call her. He called her four fuckin times until I was satisfied. Who’s man’s does that? So every time I get in these moods where I want a man I think about him. I think about how he still loves me and it’s a chance that we might be together in the future. I think about what if we actually got married? I think about how happy I’d be finally being with a man and not just any man but the man who already knows me best out of anyone else in this world. The man I gave my virginity to. I’m not so much bothered by the fact that I gave it to him. I will always and forever be happy that he is the one who got it but I will be a little bit happier if I end up marrying him. If he’s the only one that’s be great but even if he’s the last one I’ll feel like I had good judgment. I guess that’s what it is. I’d be happy that my judgment on who to lose my virginity to was so good that I picked the man I’d marry.

This type of stuff makes me wonder if I really am meant to marry him. Why I can’t get a relationship to work with anyone else because my mamma knows if I get in a relationship I’m fucking and I guess I’m only supposed to fuck him?

But then I start thinking that’s ridiculous. You know he’s not your man and you’re still over here stuck on the past. I’m literally conflicted because part of me is sad that I’m not with him anymore because he was so good to me but then the other part is flabbergasted that I’m still not over a 2 month relationship from 3 years ago……

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