I don’t like depending on people for my happiness. I might hate it actually because people are very unreliable. Either that or I don’t fucking like them. I just want to go through life by myself and have fun and be happy. Why is that so hard for me? To just be happy… I constantly crave people’s attention and presence and touch. Niggas always wanna do shit and I just be needing a hug and someone to listen to me, sometimes I don’t even need to talk. I just need to be in the presence of someone who cares about me and I connect with.
How someone who needs people so damn bad don’t connect with anybody? It’s legit a distance between majority of the people I meet. I’m talking and they don’t get what I’m saying or vice versa. I notice it immediately but it seems like no one else ever notices that shit. Like where are my people at??? What do I actually enjoy doing? Idk how to make friends I guess. But idk what to do.
Why’d I delete all those numbers? Oh yeah I was trying to cut out all the people I be trying to make my friends when they’re really not. I know they’re not but I let myself keep forgetting. Plus I was trying to be a loner and not need anybody.
I guess really the only thing I need to do is change my mindset when people aren’t there when I want them. Sometimes it’s just bad timing and not lack of love or care for me. I really don’t believe that but you know I can try to convince myself. In my mind you make time for what’s important to you. At least that’s what I do, and then I’m back to wanting a friend like me. A friend who listens and makes sacrifices when I’m needed..
I guess I gotta be my friend.