Punishment or a blessing?

Whenever I end up not getting something I wanted really bad, I wonder if it’s a lesson I’m supposed to learn about discipline or time management or if I just didn’t need to have what I wanted?

I’m trying to buy a car right. I’m buying cash for $3k so my good options are pretty limited. I find this car that is really really cute. I literally see myself driving it. I research the history, how much the insurance will cost, everything. I text literally everyone I know with cars asking will they take me. It’s about 30-40 minutes away so people like hmm maybe Saturday, wait til Friday. My one friend who I know would up and take me was in freaking Belize. People telling me just be patient. Bitch be patient for what??? This car is selling for $3,000!!!! If this man fr that car is worth wayyy more. Like bro I don’t wanna be patient. I wanna go get it now. I got the money I just need to get there.

So I make my lil appointment for Friday, the man tells me someone else is looking at the car Friday at 5 so I need to pick a different time. Now I’m really like what the heck I need to get out there asap before someone take my car. But of course nobody wants to take me. So I’m waiting and waiting. Now this man emails me back and says that ho got sold 😡😡😡😡😡😡

Ohh I’m so upset. I hate depending on people because stuff like this happens. If I had things my way I would have looked at the car last week! But because I’m depending on a ride I had to wait until this weekend and now the car is sold 🙄🙄🙄🙄. I’m very upset and I most definitely am blaming everyone but myself. But I’m mature enough to recognize when I’m blaming other people so I stopped and thought about what I could have possibly done. The only thing I could think of was either take my mom’s car and go by myself or go with my dad.

I didn’t want to go by myself because I’ve never bought a car before and it’s a new experience and I get really really nervous doing new things. I’m scared to make a mistake and I like to look like a professional for everything I do. The other reason is because I want someone who knows about cars who would be able to tell if the car is junk or not. I know what I want it to look and feel like but my brother would know if it’s worth buying.

Now my dad would have acted in 1 of 2 ways. He’d either be all protective and analyze everything about how I found the car, what the dealership looks like, why am I even buying a car, how much am I spending and why don’t I find a cheaper car, and if the car turns out not to look like the pictures he’ll make it worse for me and say how you can’t trust shit online and blah blah blah. I’m already nervous to make a mistake, I don’t need to be around anyone who will exaggerate the mistake and make me feel worse about it.

The other way I can see him acting is how he’s been acting lately. He’s just going for the ride and he’s happy with whatever I choose to do. Sounds great right? But if that’s what he’s doing I might as well go by myself. If I want a companion to make me feel less nervous I want someone who I feel will support me and give me tips on what to do not just sit back and go with whatever happens. And if you’re not giving me support or mechanical advice then I might as well go by myself.

So I think all of this so I never asked him and now I wonder if I should have. I wonder if that was supposed to be my car but I neglected to include my father in my decisions so I’m being punished for it or if it’s really that I never needed the car in the first place because there’s something better for me.

Who knows.


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