Why do I want him??

This is what I was afraid of. I’m interested in this guy and I want to be his woman, like date him exclusively, I think….. But I’ve been 5 1/2 weeks without a man (a record for me btw) and unlike the last time I went without doing anything sexual, this time I haven’t even had physical contact or company. (I mean kinda if you count yesterday but that was just lunch, only time he touched me was when he was trying to untie my jacket from my waist).

So it’s been a long time and I’m weak. I’m very, very weak. And now I’m scared that I’m interested in him because I just want a man and affection and not necessarily because I want him 😔

If I’m hoeing around and constantly getting my fix then I know that if a man catches my attention, it’s more than just physical. When I did this last time I was afraid of getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons and not even knowing it’s the wrong reason because my judgment is compromised. Now I’m thinking of marriage and kids and I’m scared its just cuz I want some dick.

I actually care about this man and I’d feel bad getting in a relationship with him then realizing I don’t like him and have to break his heart. Omg I used to go through that thought process all the time. Back in the day I didn’t know who I liked and who I didnt. I just knew I would be interested in a guy then shortly later I’d be over it.

Now I know who I’ll be interested in long term except I’m horny af and craving physical affection soo bad idk if my judgment is clouded or not. It could be that I actually like him. Physical attraction is definitely good to have in the relationship it just can’t be the only thing. We’ve never just had a heart to heart to where I know if we’re emotionally compatible but I do know I feel safe and respected. That’s a good foundation, great actually. And I came to him with an issue recently and he immediately fixed it 😊. That’s not even to mention how he literally left the hotel room just so he didn’t piss me off like he did 3 years ago when I cut him off.

So I see good things, promising things. He has a master’s degree which my dad will like. I feel like he’s the only guy I know who’s actually on my level and going places in his life. And I feel like I wouldn’t have to boost his confidence or give him instructions on what to say and what not to say when he meets my family. I feel like he’ll just automatically know how to act. I guess that’s a Libra thing. We know what’s expected of us to say and do.

But then him being a Libra is scary cuz 2 of the same signs aren’t supposed to be compatible. We could end up with both of our similarities clashing or our weaknesses being magnified together. I just don’t know mann. It’s definitely a different feeling I have for him than I have for my ex or the bus driver. But they’re all different people so of course I’ll feel different about them.

I’ll just have to wait and see what happens. And maybe I’ll learn how to differentiate between who I actually like and who I’m only interested in because I’m in an affection deficit.

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