Too many men

Every time I read about Geminis I wonder does my ex want to get back with me too…. I keep seeing how they don’t like to show vulnerability and they hide their true emotions and then when I think about how he used to go through my phone to see how I talked about him to my friends, that’s a sign of insecurity.

Like he wanted to make sure I liked him as much as he liked me. And whatever he saw made him think I wasn’t as attached as he is and that I’m going to eventually hurt him. He said we were going to get married. That’s what he saw me as, his future wife. But every time he sees me I’m closed off. I act like I don’t care about him and I shut him out. 😔 Of course he’s not going to open up to me about how he really feels if he thinks I don’t want him.

I really want to have an open and honest and vulnerable and scary discussion with him but I’m working on so many men right now 😂 it doesn’t feel right to me to tell him how much I love him and want to be with him just to get with another guy.

But idk which guy is actually the one for me so idk which one to pursue and which one to leave alone. Ughhh I hate making decisions. I don’t want to make the wrong choice. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.

I feel bad because I know my power. I know how crazy men go over me. Once I express interest and get him (whichever him it is) envisioning our future I’d feel bad taking that away. And I’d feel even worse taking it away to be with someone I was working on at the same time I was working on them. 

That’s the stuff water signs get pissed about. But they see you just speaking to or complimenting someone else and they go irate. In their mind once you develop interest for them, everyone else should disappear. And I get it now. Of course I think they take it to far because a compliment doesn’t mean anything, but what I’m doing now is awful. 

 Literally going to different men that I’m attached to and trying to seduce them so they decide to be with me. And well I seduce so many men without trying that I can’t imagine myself being unsuccessful when I’m actually trying. That’s the whole reason B***y is here now. I had to prove to myself that I could get him because he wasn’t acting interested.

Wow. For the longest I was complaining about not having any man and now I don’t know which one to choose!!!!!

The thing about my ex that scares me is what we use to do. We had amazing conversations on the phone but whenever we were together we just chilled at home. I don’t want to do that with my man. I want to believe we’re not supposed to be together like we don’t match but sometimes I feel like the universe is sabotaging my relationships with other guys just to make sure I save myself for him 🙄🙄 Every time I decide I’m going to do me and fuck somebody, I can’t ever make it happen. Like he’s literally the only one that worked out.

I just don’t know what to do 😭😭😭😭 they’re all good men and they all care about me it’s just I don’t know who I’d be happier with. The Libra I definitely think he’s temporary but at the same time I know if we date even for a little bit I’ll feel so much love from him. The thing about B***y that scares me is banking on his potential. Our potential relationship I think is the best, the problem is I haven’t seen him step into those qualities that are such a great fit for me.

The difference with my ex is that I’ve seen him do the things that made our relationship great. And I’ve seen him fix the things that caused issues.

I think what I’ma do is just not try to make anything happen. I’m not going to go after B***y, I’m not going to text my ex and try to spark up this conversation but what I am going to do is keep my heart open. So if he texts me (which he’s done multiple times) I’m not going to hide how I feel. I’m going keep my heart on my sleeve so he can have all the facts and make whatever moves based on that.

I’m the woman, I receive not initiate. Except this Libra tho. Nah I’m not going to initiate. I’m just going to be myself and be honest about how I feel about him. That’s all I need to do. Just be honest and vulnerable. I gotta keep my heart open so the men can play their part and make the moves. But in order for them to make the moves they need to have all the necessary information.

Oh thank God I figured it out because I was stressing.

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