Tired of being at home

I’m sad.

Idk if it’s cuz I’m tired and my body just wants to go back to sleep or if I’m sad because I want to be around my friends. And that makes me scared because that’s usually the beginning signs of my depression. I’m about to start my period too so it makes evvvveerrryyyything worse 🙄🙄🙄😔

I been missing going to work and now I don’t wanna go 😔 I know it’s just because I’m tired and I know I’m tired because Tiffany’s here and talks for forever and it was her birthday and I never see her so I feel like I need to let her speak you know? So I stayed up until 1 when I know I needed to be sleep by about 10.

The problem with being at home with my family is not so much that I can’t stand being around them, it’s that I can’t stand not having my own space. When I go to the kitchen to eat I don’t always want to be talked to. Majority of the day I don’t want to be talked to. I feel bad if I tell them, listen I really don’t care about what you’re saying and I know you created me and all but I don’t want to talk to you majority of the day….. That’s messed up but that’s how I feel. If I come visit for dinner or to hang out for a bit I’m good. I’m going to socialize and I’m in a social mood. When I’m chillin and thinking about things I’m just like don’t talk to me, don’t interrupt my thoughts.

It doesn’t even matter if I’m actively doing something like reading or homework, they still talk!!!! Like I literally have to shut myself up in my room to get peace and quiet but this room is so stuffy and dark it brings my energy down.

It’s 1,000 degrees outside and there’s all kinds of bugs that can’t wait to jump on me as soon as I step outside 🙄🙄🙄 so when I’m here I just feel stuck. I don’t enjoy myself in my room, I don’t enjoy myself outside, I don’t enjoy myself downstairs. Everywhere I go I get drained. When I’m not in a social mood and people are talking to me I get drained.

I recharge when I have peaceful time to myself and when I can go sit outside and breathe without being attacked by mosquitoes or spiders or beetles or dogs or cats. Literally the fact that the sentence went on so long shows how many things are bothering me getting in the way of my peace. I don’t like to blame anyone, but I can’t think of a solution…. What do I tell my mom to shut up? I definitely don’t know how to kill all the mosquitoes in the world. My dad found the lil app or whatever but there’s still the spiders and beetles and dogs and cat. 

I feel like every time the cat see me he gotta say something. And every time the dog see me go outside she think I’m about to take her out somewhere. Ughhh I just need my space. I was really trying to get away from living in the future but it’s so hard rn 😔

I really don’t know what else to do.

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