Food and friends

I have a problem. It’s almost like I have an eating disorder but I’m not scared of getting fat or anything. I’m just tired of eating. I’m tired of all the junk food and processed shit and GMOs everywhere. I want to eat healthy but it’s so hard at this point because I’m not buying food for myself. All the food we have in the house is not appealing to me. Some of its healthy but idk I just don’t want it. 

I can’t even tell you what I want rn although I’m feeling lemon. The flavor tho not the whole thing. Ooh maybe some orange chicken. The one from Chinese star was really good and had real oranges in it. Omg yes that’s what I want I think. Or some quinoa. Omg quinoa with lemon 😍😍

So no I don’t have an eating disorder I’m just not seeing what I want to eat so I’m not eating….

I feel like I’m too much for everybody I know. I feel like I gotta keep a part of me controlled and contained at all times. That’s what I’m sick of. I want to just be me 1000% and not feel like I’m being annoying or clingy or bothersome. I want to give all my love and not scare off the man I like. I want to talk to my friends as much as I desire and not feel like I talk too much. 

I desire to be me 100% and to have a close, intimate relationship with another person (no it doesn’t have to be a man and no I’m not gay) where we can get to know each other and be vulnerable and help each other grow. I don’t want to be around people who never point out my flaws. I also don’t want to be around people who point out all kinds of things they think are flaws when really it’s just personality differences. Or if they actually are flaws they tell me to fix it in a way that’s not me.

I love my skin. I love myself. And I just want other people to love me as much as I love me.

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